Maybe it's too early in the morning...
I'd like to say that I've been angry at God lately, but I always feel like that's a bit cliche and dramatic, so I'll just say I've been angry lately.
Maybe it's the holidays; truth be told I haven't really looked forward to Christmas since I was kid. I can't get behind the idea of buying gifts for people you hardly know or even buying things for people you do know who are completely capable of buying things for themselves. Maybe the entire notion of gift-giving is lost on me, but I absolutely hate the unnecessary stress of having to decide what to buy for people.
Maybe it's the added stress that comes with my vocation around this time of year; there are more services to plan, more sermons to write, more people to see, cards to write, calls to make, people to help. Don't get me wrong, it's times like this that I love my calling and love the change it brings to the lives of others, but it truly heaps stress upon stress.
Maybe it's some of the other thing going on in my life (things I'd rather not mention here for the sake of those involved). I've grown tired of hearing about how "awesome" everyone else's lives are as they postpone adulthood; I've grown callous towards my friends who seem to wax depressed when attention is scarce; I've learned that people love to cling to the past in the hopes that it will repeat itself (at least the good parts), and it kind of make my stomach turn; I'm fed up with this "thorn in my flesh" of seeing others being happy and somehow thinking it's a shot at me and the shortcomings of my life.
Maybe I just need to breathe. I've noticed lately that when I intentionally stop to breathe, I seem almost to be gasping. Perhaps I'll breathe better in 2011.
CPT
Maybe it's the holidays; truth be told I haven't really looked forward to Christmas since I was kid. I can't get behind the idea of buying gifts for people you hardly know or even buying things for people you do know who are completely capable of buying things for themselves. Maybe the entire notion of gift-giving is lost on me, but I absolutely hate the unnecessary stress of having to decide what to buy for people.
Maybe it's the added stress that comes with my vocation around this time of year; there are more services to plan, more sermons to write, more people to see, cards to write, calls to make, people to help. Don't get me wrong, it's times like this that I love my calling and love the change it brings to the lives of others, but it truly heaps stress upon stress.
Maybe it's some of the other thing going on in my life (things I'd rather not mention here for the sake of those involved). I've grown tired of hearing about how "awesome" everyone else's lives are as they postpone adulthood; I've grown callous towards my friends who seem to wax depressed when attention is scarce; I've learned that people love to cling to the past in the hopes that it will repeat itself (at least the good parts), and it kind of make my stomach turn; I'm fed up with this "thorn in my flesh" of seeing others being happy and somehow thinking it's a shot at me and the shortcomings of my life.
Maybe I just need to breathe. I've noticed lately that when I intentionally stop to breathe, I seem almost to be gasping. Perhaps I'll breathe better in 2011.
CPT
Hello, Christopher! Thanks for posting this, and so close to Christmas :) For the last few Christmases I've felt sort of 'grinchy' myself, and it's all I can do to think about the name of Jesus without it being more of a swear word (actually, I've been saying 'cheese-n-rice!' in effort to not let it be His name...it's been surprisingly helpful!). Christian vocation can be hell--working at Moody Bible Institute isn't exactly heavenly 95% of the time--but please keep your head up! You are missed and I hope you and Sally have a blessed 2011, even beyond measure! Love y'all!
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